Embrace Who You Are: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
According to an article in 2016's Parent24, 70% of girls feel as if they're "not enough." It's not just girls who struggle with self-image, as seen on the website notgoodenough.com and a 2012 article written by Kristen W. At least 90% of boys struggle with body image through adolescence. Teen anxiety is on the rise and so is suicide.
Recently, a close friend of mine lost her son to suicide. Although, we can go through the lists of how and why, I think it's also important to start thinking about how to change the cultural outlook of how children are supposed to view themselves, but we also need to change how we see ourselves. Mental illness is something everyone needs to be aware of, but more importantly, something we need to work toward helping.
This might be why I tend to gravitate toward self-help books that give you ways to understand yourself more. Anything about learning how to cope with real-world trials are books I want to read, but I've come to appreciate those books that call out what you're thinking and feeling and give you suggestions on how to change that thought process.
With this in mind, I listened when customers told me about reading Brené Brown, listening to her TedTalks, and sharing how inspirational she is to them. They've bought up her books at the bookstore, and they're also reading another messenger of treating yourself better, Rachel Hollis.
These authors, just to name two, are giving a new outlook on how we see ourselves, but they're also giving solutions. They're taking a tried and true method of dealing with these thoughts on a psychological front, even if it doesn't fully address the chemistry of the brain and how it works.
Brené Brown is a researcher at the University of Houston. She lives by the motto, "Courage over comfort" and has been sharing her research through her books, Tedtalks, and classes. She has spent the last "two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy." She's a storyteller sharing her knowledge with the world.
What attracted me most to Brené Brown's books is her inherent honesty. Picking up three different book by her, I looked through each one and thought, "She sounds like me!" It's as if I'm picking up a book I would have wrote and hear it whispering, "You do that, too. You think that, too. This is part of who you are shared on paper."
How enlightening and freeing it is to realize there's someone else in your corner. I don't know if you know that feeling you get when you try at something and make a mistake or fail, but I do. Seeing this book, I knew I had to read it.
Brown shares her insights by first asking us to cultivate "wholehearted living." Her research in sharing this journey and information states that to be someone living wholehearted means to "engage in our lives from a place of worthiness" and that "wholehearted living is not a onetime choice. It is a process." Investing in this type of living mean that you will work on "cultivating courage, compassion, and connection." In fact, she wants you to wake up and realize each morning that, "No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough." (pg 1)
In order to take on this journey, the reader must be willing to let go of perfectionism. Yikes! Anyone else cringe inside at hearing that? How do you let go of perfectionism? It's easy to develop over the years but even more difficult to say "no" to and take a step back from. Brown gives a lot of information in the break-down of this hard-to-reach inner goal, but I think what stuck with me the most was when she said, "To overcome perfectionism, we need to be able to acknowledge our vulnerabilities to the universal experiences of shame, judgment, and blame; develop shame resilience; and practice self-compassion." (pg 57)
Again, the cringing!
Her bottom line: Share compassion and love with yourself and "embrace [your] imperfections."
Yet, Brené Brown doesn't stop there.
No.
That woman wants us to dig deep. She wants us to get into the nitty-gritty of how we see ourselves and where these insights have started and why we allow them to continue. She wants us to cultivate.
What does she want us to cultivate?
Brown wants us to work on, nurture, and encourage ourselves to cultivate authenticity. If we're being authentic, we have to let go of what others think of us. By "letting go of perfectionism," we need to foster self-compassion. We need to grow a resilient spirit by "letting go of numbing and powerlessness." If we want to cultivate gratitude and joy, we have to "let go of scarcity and fear of the dark."
My friends, she's not even done! We're only about half-way through the list of what we need to "cultivate" and "let go of" in order to get on this train of wholehearted living. After each chapter, that she titles "Guideposts," Brown gives us activities to try to "dig deeper" into our goal of getting to an authentic, wholehearted life.
Are you ready?
She shares through her further chapters that in order to pursue intuition and trusting faith, we have to "let go of the need for certainty." Basically, this research and writer wants us to take risks, put ourselves out there, and darn the opinions of others!
Anyone feeling nauseous?
Oh, good.
I thought it was just me.
Shall we continue?
The author breaks down the next few chapters as "cultivating creativity" by "letting go of comparison." Brown wants us to not compare ourselves to others! What world does this woman live in? Does she somehow know that I was just looking at haircuts and felt envious of Taylor Swift's hair? I mean, how does she keep it looking so beautiful?
Sure. I'm not surprised that there's a ton of stylists and product and people who are paid to make it look good, but cut me some slack here, I'm not the only one who looks at someone else and wishes they had something the other person does, right?
I am?
I totally wasn't expecting that response.
Oh. Wait, you just aren't envious of T-Swift's hair? You're envious of someone else's?
Okay. That makes more sense. I'll get back to the guideposts.
Next, Brown is asking us to "cultivate play and rest." She's telling you to take that nap! Play that game! Break out the slip'n'slide cause summer's back, baby!
Well, maybe not the slip'n'slide. Also, summer doesn't appear to be over the next horizon. Anyone else a little tired of the rain? Just a tiny bit? No. Well, good for you.
Apparently, being overworked and exhausted isn't a status symbol for productivity and self-worth. Who knew?
You have to "cultivate meaningful work" by "letting go of self-doubt and 'supposed to'." Giving yourself permission to work on that painting, even if it's only because you want to try a new brush technique. It means reading that book, just because. It means developing your gifts and talents and not just worrying about making the next buck. We need to "cultivate laughter, song, and dance" by "letting go of being cool and 'always in control'."
Yep. She went there.
Brown wants us to "let go of control." Because "being 'in control' isn't always about the desire to manipulate situations, but often it's about the need to manage perception." Basically, we all want to control "what other people think about us so that we can feel good enough."
Does that sound familiar?
Instead, she wants us to embrace the unfamiliar and enjoy those moments of sharing our dance moves, song favorites, and a large laugh. These are things we might have enjoyed as children or with really close friends.
I recall foot fights with my best friend when we were in the seventh grade. Stupid? Probably. Fun. Unbelievably.
What is a foot fight, you ask? Well, it's when you sit on opposite sides, put your socked feet against the other person's socked feet, and push. You're trying to get them to tip over. There was no purpose in this. We might have looked like morons, but we were experiencing what Brené Brown is talking about here and didn't even know it!
We were allowing ourselves to have fun. We were enjoying a bit of play without any purpose. We weren't afraid of how we looked. We laughed so hard, snorting was involved.
The fact that I can pinpoint that memory and appreciate it makes me smile. It gives me a joyful feeling inside, and it helps me remember that I have the ability to do what she's saying. It might not be easy. It might take practice and persistence, but if I'm willing to put in the hardwork, maybe it will be a redemptive path. This might be what opens my heart to full joy and shoves the negative thoughts away.
I'm willing to try it. I think making that decision is half the battle. Are you game to try?
This book makes me think. This book gives me hope. This book helps my belief that we can help ourselves and others live better, more fulfilling, wholehearted lives.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to get digging: get deliberate, get inspired, and get going! I gave it a 5/5 rating on Amazon and Goodreads because each chapter brought insight and understanding to how we live our lives.
Take the next step and read The Gifts of Imperfection to see how you can "explore the power of love, belonging, and being enough."
Want more Brené Brown?
Check out her "The Call to Courage" on Netflix. It's amazing, and I highly recommend it!
Here's a clip of The Gifts of Imperfection from PBS.
Here's another clip on The Power of Vulnerbility via YouTube TedTalk.
Here are some printouts I found on Brené Brown's site, and I wanted to share them.
Here are some printouts I found on Brené Brown's site, and I wanted to share them.
Other downloads on Brené Brown's site.
If you need help, something more than what this book or other self-help books might provide, remember that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Reach out and get help. Check out the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline or talk to a friend or family member or counselor.
As always, Thanks for joining me, and Happy Reading!
Picture found online @ DaisiesHeartBook
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